The Stress of Speaking 💆🏻
September 16, 2017 . 0 Comment(s) .
When I speak in class I feel robotic. Like it's the automation saying the answer and I'm behind it making meticulous coding proofs and pushing the automation to speak without stopping and to focus on what it's saying, not the coldness of my hands or the effects of my voice. Speaking of which, I can never tell if my hands are cold until after I finish speaking in front of the class. I never ever blushed so I guess it's a good thing? That people can't see how anxious I am? I still remember during English class last year when I refused to talk in front of everyone that my palms started to sweating like crazy even after being forced by my teacher.
At the same time, I'm cowering behind the robot, waiting for it to say what is to be said and move on. I'm not exactly one to relish being the center of attention. I'll take it when I don't have any options and after a while I get used to it, but otherwise I'm not purposely going to make myself the focal point of everyone's attention.
My voice also sounds different when I'm talking to the class or teacher as opposed to talking among my friends (well at least that's what I felt). I don't get enough time to analyze exactly how it changes because I'm always so focused on getting through what I'm saying.
I never make an eye contact when I talk to someone. I always trying to avoid making one. I hate when they take a moment to process what I said so we are in this silent moment and I try to look everywhere around me but their eyes. Is it rude to look away? Is it awkward to keep staring at the person like they're staring at me?
And what are you supposed to do after you answer a question? People are still looking at you so how do you come down from that without looking like you were totally overthinking everything? People who like being the center of attention will get approval from their friends or start talking aimlessly again. I sort of just refocus on my paper and pretend I'm thinking very philosophically about question seven.
I don't know. I just had this epiphany in English class and could finally explain how it felt to be reluctant to speak in class.